Finding a good reader is like finding a shooting star in daylight.
Once you find one, hold on tight, cherish them, and treat them with the utmost care!
Why do you need a good first reader?
Our first drafts, especially as memoir writers and personal writers, have shaky legs. They will hide, and whisper and disappear in an instant at the mere mention of criticism or doubt. Our early pages need the right conditions and the right reader. So, choose this person carefully. As a writer, you need this person, like you need air or water. The response of a first reader has the power to silence and mute, or coax and cajole.
Yet, somehow, as writers, most of us miss this memo.
So often writers come to me with tragic tales of being shamed in writing circles, groups, or workshops. I’ve also often seen writers rush to share their work with the world, only to face the rollercoaster of potential rejections. I’ve seen writers open themselves up to harsh criticism too early in the process and it can stall their creative growth for a long time. As a result, they question if they’re even a writer, if they have anything to say, or if anyone will care.
Instead of seeking comfort and support, we subject our tender words to harsh criticism, believing it to be the path to improvement. We fool ourselves into thinking that we learn that way; that critical feedback is the path to becoming published authors.
This isn’t our fault, we were born learning this way. Our entire society and educational system is built upon giving hierarchical critical feedback, and a grading system that is stacked against marginalized voices, creative risks, and anything that falls outside of the norm of dominant culture. For most of us, we have been taught that there’s a right way and a wrong way to write, to tell our story, and to communicate.
Maybe this works well on standardized tests (maybe), but it certainly doesn’t work when it comes to the tender voice that comes from the heart and holds pain, sorrow, heartbreak, trauma, or challenge—which is most personal stories. This system doesn’t nurture and encourage the soft-spoken whispers we scribble on the page on the path to telling the story that’s ready to be told.
Writers need—and deserve—support as they take their early courageous creative steps to gain the confidence and resilience necessary to continue.
There’s another way to write. You can write in a way that is paved with positive feedback, support, and compassion. It’s radical, and it works. Science shows that we grow from positive reinforcement (not punishment).
So, dear writer, be gentle with your sweet voice and be bold. Invest in finding the right first reader and slather yourself in that love. Allow it to evolve into a kind of confidence that will propel you to reach out to the other kind of reader, the editor, agent, and publisher. You will wear this love like a shield and it will help build a thicker skin against any rejections or acceptances to come. Then keep going. Rinse and Repeat.
A few tips for meeting the one:
First Suggestion: Choose someone who brings out the best in you.
Second Suggestion: Choose a yes person in your life, someone who reflects what is good, what is working, what inspires, and what delights.
Third Suggestion: Choose someone you feel comfortable with and accepted by.
Fourth Suggestion: Choose someone who opens doors and makes you see things in a new way.
Fifth Suggestion: Choose someone who lifts you up, and gives you energy.
Sixth Suggestion: Choose someone who reminds you of your own intention and basic goodness and worth.
Seventh Suggestion: Choose someone who makes you feel brilliant, loved and like you can do anything.
Writing Prompt:
Today's prompt: Describe your ideal first reader, whether this is someone imagined or real. Make a list of their character traits. Imagine you are describing what you are looking for in a best friend.
Bonus Points: Be this kind of reader for someone else.